This flower shouts out its name it is bugle.
Why Should I Care
What You Think?
tim brownson
I have had people (usually
clients or other bloggers)
say to be on many occasions
something along the lines of:
“I wish I could do what you do with your
writing and say what I think
without giving a shit or
worrying about offending people.”
It’s a nice, almost backhanded
compliment.
I sad backhanded because usually, being told you don’t
give a shit means you’re selfish
and self absorbed, but I think (at least I hope!) in
these cases it meant being authentic.
But it’s not true.
I do give a shit.
Upsetting People Is Not Fun
I really don’t like upsetting
people and the thought of people taking my tongue-in-cheek humor
at face value and thinking I’m
arrogant and cocky makes me feel uneasy.
If it didn’t I wouldn’t have
added ‘at least I hope’ in brackets above.
That’s my way of saying, “I’m not being arrogant here and saying, look
at me, aren’t I great?’
When I got fired by a client a
few weeks ago I hardly slept that night.
I know (and tell other coaches I’m training) at an intellectual level
that if we’re not getting fired
from time to time
then we’re probably not truly
pushing our clients hard enough.
As it’s only ever happened to
me twice in 10 years.
So maybe I have backed off on
occasions
because I didn’t want a client
to think I was being a dick or dislike me?
If you asked me how good I
think I am as a Life Coach,
I would reply, ‘I don’t know anybody who is better’
If I didn’t care about what
other people think I’d stop right there.
But I do, so I feel compelled
to go on and explain what I mean
because you may think I’m
claiming to be the greatest Life Coach in the world.
I’m not, it’s just that I haven’t seen that many coaches
work,
other than newbies on Coach The Life Coach, as such, I
genuinely don’t know a better coach.
I’m so fucking passionate about
what I do that I’m never ‘off’’.
I’m always learning, always
reading, always listening to other view points
and always open to new ideas to
make me a better Life Coach.
And the reason is because if I
didn’t think I was excellent, then I shouldn’t be doing it.
I have to think that.
Otherwise I’d be referring potential clients on as I do
when anybody comes to me with help on time management or
productivity issues. I suck at both.
Performance Arrogance versus Social Arrogance
That is something called
performance arrogance – and it’s often a good thing.
James Altucher is performance arrogant.
His last book doesn’t hold back
on telling you about all his massive achievement
and he isn’t shy about saying
most people have it wrong
when it comes to wealth
creation and success.
He’s also a (seemingly) shy,
self-effacing, honest and genuinely nice and sincere guy.
Or at least that what comes
through from his writing.
In other words, his performance
arrogance doesn’t transfer into social arrogance.
He’s not an arrogant person per
se.
I dropped my brand new copy of
his latest book in the bath
literally 5 minutes after
starting to read it.
The worst part is I did it as I
was getting out so it didn’t even realize for a minute or so.
It didn’t get a bit wet, it got
soaked and there was ink in the bath water!
I tweeted about my fate and
included a picture of the very sad looking book
and James immediately responded
to say he’d personally send a new copy – which he has.
How awesome is that?
When peoples arrogance
doesn’t have boundaries they don’t usually don’t do things like that, because
they don’t really care what others think of them.
Caring what others think of us
can be a good thing in small doses
and when it is reserved for
people who actually know and care for us, and most importantly,
when it isn’t causing you
emotional harm.
When Caring Can Be A Bad Thing
It becomes a bad thing when we
reluctantly go to Medical School
because we worry our parents
will be upset if we chose culinary school.
Or when we don’t start our own
venture because we don’t want to let the super nice company down we work for
and who’s business we could easily take.
Or even when we stay in a
draining relationship
because we don’t want the
family of our partner hating us for causing a split up.
Even minor things like refusing
to go to the Mall without make-up on,
in case, heaven forbid, you see
somebody you know.
Not offering a contrary opinion
when you feel strongly about something
because you think people will
be irritated.
Or ordering the second cheapest
bottle of wine on the list
so that the waiter doesn’t
think you’re cheap,
are all examples of letting
other people’s opinions dictate your actions.
Caring too much and too often what others think about you can cripple you.
It can stop you reaching your
potential, it can cause mental anguish
and it can lead to low
self-esteem and the constant need for external validation.
The other day I was getting
ready to go to the gym and was putting my kit on.
As I went to take my beige
socks off to put some white ones on to match my sneakers,
I thought, “What am I doing?”
I’m about to change my socks
that are functioning perfectly well and doing all their socks good stuff
because I think others may look at me and judge me as a sad-sack middle aged
dude
who no doubt wears socks with
his sandals and has his belt buckled round his navel.
“Fuck it”, I thought and left then on.
Oh My God, Look At The Old Dude!!!
I didn’t notice people staring
aghast at my socks.
I didn’t see people rolling on
the floor in hysterics, texting their friends to come and look
and I wasn’t arrested on
leaving for crimes against fashion and good taste.
It felt kind of good.
Even though ‘fuck’ is one of my favorite words and I use it in most blog posts,
it’s never to offend.
It’s because I write very
stream of consciously (which is why my grammar sucks!)
and it’s usually to highlight a
point or for comedic effect.
In the same way I would if I
were talking to you as a friend over a beer or coffee.
But it doesn’t mean I don’t
care if somebody gets offended
when they land on my blog not
expecting a Life Coach to be so in their face and unorthodox.
It just means I’ve pushed
through that caring
so that I can be a bit more me
than I would be if I were constantly censoring myself.
I also realize that taking offense is a personal choice
and not something imposed upon you by others.
I pushed through caring what
people thought about me when I wrote about gay rights.
I did it again when I spoke of
my concerns about patriotism/nationalism
and the negative consequences.
And other times when I have
admitted to being anxious, taking party drugs in my past,
being broke and being bitten in my testicles by a doberman puppy.
None of those are very Life
Coachey things to write about, are they?
But they are all part of me.
Don’t Stop Caring Entirely
I don’t want you to be self-centered
and never give a shit about peoples feeling.
The world wouldn’t be a better
place if we were all like that.
However, sometimes you have to
stop, close your eyes,
think of what is best for you in your life – irrespective of what others think.
Then if it doesn’t cause harm
to others or risk ruining your life, just fucking do it!
The people who care for you
will still care for you, even if there is some initial turmoil.
I have no idea what the other 7
billion will think.
However, I do know you will
have more respect for yourself,
more confidence that the world
doesn’t stop revolving if you’re trying to please everybody
and you will probably be far
more successful and downright happy.
If this post with its bad
language has offended you.
Go fuck yourself!
Not really.
I’m sorry, but I’m not going to
change so just move right along.
A practical
overview of Turbo Charged Reading
YouTube
How to choose a book. A Turbo Charged Reading YouTube
Emotions when
Turbo Charged Reading YouTube
Advanced Reading Skills Perhaps you’d like to join my FaceBook group ?
Perhaps you’d like to check out my sister blog:
www.innermindworking.blogspot.com gives
many ways for you to work with the stresses of life
www.turbochargedreading.blogspot.com
for extra TCR information
www.happyartaccidents.blogspot.com
just for fun.
To quote the Dr Seuss himself, “The more that you read, the more
things you will know.
The more that you learn; the more places you'll go.”
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