Stop saying you're sorry

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Stop saying you're sorry

Melissa DeLay, M.A.

It’s hard to know how to communicate effectively and demonstrate business diplomacy 

when you’re in the middle of a conflict with clients. 

Let’s suppose you’ve dropped the ball, which means they’re not happy 

and the chances of ongoing business success for your relationship are slim. 

Unfortunately, some of the most commonplace words and phrases you might want to use 

in these sticky situations can actually put your reputation at risk.   

In particular, when it comes to business communication, 

no phrase is more problematic than “I’m sorry.”

I believe “I’m sorry” warrants negative connotations because our parents forced us as kids to say we were sorry even when we weren’t. Were we sorry for what happened—or that we got caught?

And thanks to errant politicians, CEOs and celebrities resorting to scripted mea culpas, 

we’ve become hyper-cynical about what an authentic apology even sounds like. 

So, even when you’re in the wrong, saying “I’m sorry” can hurt you: 

It makes you—and the person hearing it—feel bad.

A better choice is to craft an effective response, which reestablishes your credibility.

For example: You’ve missed a deadline. Instead of “I’m sorry,” you could say, 

“I intended to have your project finished by Friday. It didn’t happen. 

Here’s what I’m going to do differently to make sure I meet your expectations.”

If this approach fails, ask for mercy. The idea of granting mercy inspires people 

because it empowers them to act in a positive way. 

After all, it’s hard to withhold mercy when it’s asked for. 

Before you act . . .

Don’t blurt “I’m sorry” until you’ve had a chance to objectively assess the damages 

resulting from any mistake you’ve made. Use that information to focus on solutions 

that help you move forward. 

And frame your response around how the client will benefit from what you’ve learned.

Melissa DeLay, aka the Message Maven, helps leaders manage their reputations.
 https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/stop-saying-youre-sorry-melissa-delay-m-a-

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