Words that can get you into and out of trouble.

       Photo by M'reen, this amused me as it was hidden deep under a hedge!   

Words that can get you into and out of trouble.
M'reen Hunt

The article below describes some lovely techniques to use when reasonableness is an option.

However I’m aware of a national organisation that we should be justifiably proud that simply does not accept No. You volunteer or lose you job, or maybe you lose your job as a result of the stress.

Many businesses allow you to ‘wish’ to work, they will provide you with work that they can economically justify or they have a legally obligation. BUT they insist that you are available for all 

the hours they may need you to work and they insist that alternative employment does not leave you 

too tired to be used by them.

I’ve not met the mortgage company yet that allows for you to pay your mortgage based on 

the hours you’ve actually worked as opposed to the hours you were available to work 

for that company! Having a superlative CV does not guarantee you guaranteed work.

Stress: Check out my sister site www.innermindreading.blogspot.com which has a growing number

of techniques to reduce stress right now and to remove the cause of those stress triggers.

Actually spend 2 – 5 minutes a day. This does not mean that you can don your superhero stress duds. It simply means that it will take life longer to stress you out, that fewer things will push your buttons and that you will be distressed for a shorter period, also that you can deal with unexpected stress pronto. This is good.

WHY?

Why is generally a word to avoid unless it is qualified.

Why is a challenge that produces a defensive posture in the listener.

Just pose some why questions in your mind. They imply that you are wrong, stupid 

and all sorts of negative stuff; particularly if spoken in ‘that’ tone of voice!

Now try qualifying. Preface the WHY with, “I’m really curious why you,” “I’m really interested 

in understanding why …”; said in a genuinely caring or needing to understand tone of voice.

I not YOU

You will notice that when you qualified WHY you used:

 ‘I’(I am curious why …) and not ‘you’ (‘Why did you ….’).

Try. ‘you make me sick!!!’      Now try, ‘I feel sick when you… ‘

        ‘you always …..’                Now try, ‘I always feel … when you ….’

Better still, ‘I always feel …. when I hear you say …’ Now you’ve got two ’I’s’ in the conversation.

This is taking responsibility for your feelings.

It is not putting responsibility for your feelings onto the other person.

I find this rather difficult to do in the heat of the moment.

In the heat of the moment you are not at your professional best; you just react. A black belt in a number of arts told me that when faced with a terrifying situation you forget your training and run.

So when listening to or watching a drama, consciously listen for the ‘YOUs’ and then change 

the sentence to an ‘I’ one, in this way you will have a chance of hearing yourself speak 

and so have the opportunity to defuse the situation.

I needed to express my feelings and the person I was speaking to quickly picked up on what 

I was doing as I had to keep substituting I for You.

He then carefully started substituting I for You, and in this way we were able to discuss a difficult situation fully and without reserve and with full integrity so not alienating the other person.

BUT

A client expressed this rather well.

If I say to my wife:

‘You look nice in that dress but your bum is big’ then I’d better hide behind the settee.

‘You look nice in that dress, however your bum is big’ I might stand a chance of living another day.

‘Even though your bum is big, you look nice in that dress’ and I get to enjoy a lovely evening.

The fact is that no matter how much or for how long you praise something as soon as you say BUT you destroy everything that you have said or written before the BUT.

Try it, try and compose a positive sentence that is not ruined by BUT.

You might put BUT after a full stop as an emphasis as to how the situation can be improved.

When doing this I will pause after my negative statement. Emphasise BUT. Pause again.

Before completing what I want to say. In this way I have effectively disconnect myself 

from the start of the sentence and can now offer a solution.

If you find yourself stuck in mid sentence, soften the blow with HOWEVER or EVEN THOUGH.

However, the best option is to put the end of your sentence at the beginning.

AND? and BECAUSE? Even a gentle WHY?

When said in a positive way AND? and BECAUSE? are enabling words.

They express interest without imposing your own thoughts.

A raised eyebrow or open palms ask the same question.

At a later date I may write of more ways in which you can enable your conversations

and be more productive in supporting your cause.

Perhaps you’d like to checkout my sister blog www.innermindreading.blogspot.com

and find easy, fast and efficient ways of working with the issues or little unpleasantness’s in your life.

I am now featuring aspects of my upcoming internet programme to teach Inner Mind Reading.