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All the different parts of you support the beautiful whole.
Being Kind to Others Is Being Kind to Yourself
Jen Picicci
“There is no exercise better
for the heart than reaching down and lifting people up.” ~John Holmes
I moved to Vermont to work at
a ski lodge the day after I turned twenty-two.
I had finished college six
months earlier; September 11th had made finding a “real” job
in
my field pretty much impossible, and I was ready for adventure.
Somehow I had been hired to
be the head waitress in the lodge’s basement eatery,
where we served family-style
meals every single morning and six nights a week.
I had no waitressing
experience whatsoever; I’m pretty sure I was hired for this position
because I was older than some
of the other employees, had a college degree
(uh, in studio art), and had worked at a
concession stand at the beach for three summers during college. I mean, at least I had
handled food before, right?
Up until this point, my
customer service skills were severely stunted.
I barely tolerated customers; I rarely even spoke to them.
The extent of my “service” skills involved making sure they got the
right kind of soda and correct change.
In fact, at my very first
job, as a cashier at a big box store where I had to wear a blue vest,
a customer actually
complained about me to management. I didn’t smile, I wasn’t friendly,
and I wasn’t helpful. (In my
defense, I was sixteen. And wearing a blue vest.)
One night at the ski lodge,
I’ll never forget this, a couple who had come to stay
every single year for the past decade pulled me
aside so the husband could tell me something in private. "Your attitude comes off as
very distant and aloof. I can tell you’re just shy, but you seem very
unfriendly.”
Whoa.
For some reason having this
older gentleman tell me how I seemed to outsiders absolutely, completely turned me and
my attitude around.
He was right—I was shy, and
also uncertain about myself. I was afraid to be friendly,
afraid to come out of my
shell and potentially embarrass myself.
But I didn’t want to be seen
as unfriendly and aloof.
I wanted to connect with
people, I just didn’t know how.
As the ski season went on, I
did my best to make little changes: more eye contact, more smiles, more
conversation. I can’t say I immediately saw a huge shift, but I was trying.
Fast-forward another couple
of years: after traveling around the country for a while
(even living in a tent at one
point; aren’t your twenties great?),
I ended up back at the ski
lodge again. This time, I was hired to work at the front desk.
The front desk?? Where all
the people were? All the time?
Yup, that front desk.
By this time the lodge had
changed hands, and the new owner said something to me
about how to talk on the
phone with customers that left a lasting impression.
She said, “Smile when you
talk, because customers can hear it all the way through the phone.”
She was so right. I still
think about that any time I’m on the phone with a customer or client.
I can’t tell you exactly what
happened to me during that ski season,
but by the time my parents
came up for a visit in the spring and saw me in action,
they were impressed with how
friendly and confident I was with guests,
but not nearly as impressed
(and happy) as I was.
All of a sudden I loved helping people. I was
thrilled when guests came to check in,
adored giving restaurant
recommendations, and was elated to tell prospective clients
all that our area had to
offer.
Suddenly, I realized how
wonderful it was to be kind—
being friendly to others
actually made me happier!
I don’t know why for all
those years I had thought keeping silent or being disgruntled
was good for me—I guess I
just didn’t know any different.
After a year in Vermont, I
moved down to the mountains of North Carolina
(just as pretty; a whole lot
warmer),
where I landed myself another
hotel job, this time at an historic inn.
Within a year or so I was
running the front desk and was managing events, and I loved it!
Friday afternoons when we got
a crush of people, ready to kick off their relaxing visit?
Pure bliss for me!
Sunday mornings, when guests
were checking out and wanted to reminisce about their weekend? Utter
satisfaction!
A brunch where the quiche
turned out just right
and the hostess had properly
impressed her friends? My work was done!
New Year’s Eve? Best night of
the year! I actually put myself on for the late night shift
(I was in charge of
scheduling) so my employees could be off, but I could be part of the fun.
The same group of guests came
to celebrate every year, and I’d walk the hallways,
being invited into open rooms
for a bite of fancy cheese or a swig of champagne.
I don’t know how to explain
it, other than being kind and helping
others completed
something in me I didn’t even
know was missing.
If you’ve ever felt like you
wanted to connect more with others, to offer kindness and support,
but feel too shy or nervous
about the possibility of being rejected, I want to tell you
that stepping out of your
shell, even just a little bit, can bring enormous rewards.
Pick something that feels
easy and comfortable to you.
Do you have to be on the
phone frequently for your job?
Try smiling when you’re
talking on the phone, even if you feel a little silly,
even if the person on the
other end is being difficult or unfriendly.
I bet you’ll feel really good
when you hang up.
Perhaps you notice a new
participant in your yoga class, someone who seems uncertain
and hangs in the back. Do
whatever feels best—smile, wave, walk over and introduce yourself. Imagine if
you were in the same position; wouldn’t it feel great for someone to reach out
to you?
Ask coworkers if they need a
hand with anything. Ask friendly questions of your new neighbor.
Volunteer for
a local charity or library.
Anything that connects you
with others and allows you to flex your kindness muscle will do.
You’ll be
amazed to see that being kind makes other people happy,
but brings an even
greater joy to you.
After working at the inn for
a few years I moved on to a hospitality job at the local airport,
and from there realized that
I wanted to expand my kindness and help others on an even more profound level,
but there’s a part of me that will always miss working at a hotel.
Interacting with guests
taught me so much about myself. It gave me so much confidence,
and it taught me one of the
most important lessons of my life: to be kind to others
was to be kind to myself. I
hope you’ll open your heart to learning the same lesson.
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