Wet is healthy.
Does Waterboarding Get You
More Love?
The following is a guest post
from Christine Rich Hanson.
You’re minding your business
you were handed at birth, aka your life.
All is well.
It’s a normal day.
No S.W.A.T. guys rappelling
down your building telling you there’s a terrorist on the 5th floor
and to go with them out the
window from your 20th floor.
Just a regular day of getting
by, mixed with the usual subconscious desires
to be understood and loved by other fellow
souls in human form.
Then, from nowhere…
Incoming Attack!
Your eyes bulge forward and
you feel the searing pain of the gut punch, as you read a horrific, angst-provoking,
off-base attack message delivered by electronic form.
Text, email—because nobody actually says these things in
2015 with their vocal cords
when
they have the option to blast from a keyboard—
and you find yourself reeling
backwards in your chair.
You’ve assumed the
waterboarding position.
The waves from the rush of
fear and mind-scrambling, “How could they say that?
That
was so mean! What were they thinking? I’m not like that!” washes and flows over you
so rapidly you feel
gasping…for air and for the reason for this missile of hate.
You pace, you cover your
mouth so the gasps of what you want to say don’t come out,
your mind seeks permission to
begin the sequence launch for the retaliation fighter jets
to destroy the author of the
message.
But wait.
The message was from your
significant other.
Your finger(s) hover over the
keyboard.
A few strokes and you could
take them out…AND TEACH THEM A LESSON NOT TO EVER, EVER, IN THE NEXT 10 DECADES, WILL
THEY EVER DO THAT TO YOU AGAIN!
*shoving a table over
mentally for emphasis*
*and kicking through a window
mentally because the table wasn’t enough*
*and isn’t that a cat you
spot who needs kicking too?*
Note: No cats were harmed
during the writing of this post, and cat kicking is not condoned.
A little voice within says “Calm down; you are creating attachment to
chaotic mind thoughts, and meditating would help”.
Uh,
yeah, NOT NOW!
It’s easier, not fruitful,
but easier to focus on a quick round of some “How
dare they?”
hi-fives with the Righteous
Union sitting outside your heart and some “
Why
ME?” slap-on-the-backs from the Pity Brigade—
also sitting on the
curb outside of your heart.
Outside of the Heart
Yep, that’s where you can
roll around in the distraction mud of stinky yuck
and the suction of your
indignation while you figure out how you will retaliate.
Sort of feels good like
eating your way through the county fair with wild abandon
until you puke on the Ferris
wheel.
You faintly hear: “you could do something new and healing”
but all you know is the old
comfortable way where not changing fits just fine.
The conditioned-by-society
retaliation response is a lot, lot, less challenging.
New, evolved tool such as
loving your fellow human?
Makes you just want to hit
someone with a suggestion like that.
Retaliation’s the
hell-on-Earth warhead that society markets with enough social proof
that Google would have to
take notice.
But before I get all
philosophical and helpful…
What The Hell Just
Happened?
[I’ll use a woman being
triggered, but these events are equal opportunity.]
Lisa was minding her business
she was handed at birth, aka her life.
All was well.
It was a normal day.
She was looking forward to
the weekend’s societally appointed minor-holiday, Fourth of July,
with you, at the family
picnic.
Back at your office, you
found out that your guy friends scored an extra ticket
to your favorite band of all
time—the one you’ve loved since high school—and, unbelievable,
but Bryan has access to a
private jet to get there.
You are so in.
You can’t believe your luck.
You dash off a quick text to
your girl and let her know the exciting news.
A few minutes later…you get
her response…and you’re thinking waterboarding would hurt less.
Lisa got your text and
instead of resonating with your feelings of joy,
her survive-at-all costs
conditioning from society kicks in with quantum light speed annihilation
that you, sir, are a cad.
It does not matter, right
then and there, that you were her dream guy two seconds ago.
That was then.
Listen to Tolle, be present now and right now
is not good
Mister-who-wants-to-go-see-his-stupid band.
The Retaliation Laws RULE.
You will receive a scathing email because you
have disappointed her conditioning.
Not her…she loves you, it’s
just that right now,
Retaliation rays from them out there conditioning are burning you up.
The email conveys in no
uncertain terms that you PROMISED you’d be at the
family picnic.
Followed by DON’T YOU LOVE YOUR FAMILY.
Followed by YOU DON’T LOVE ME.
Followed by IF YOU GO TO THAT CONCERT,
THEN…
You feel:
Misunderstood,
Accused of lacking values,
Guilt tripped
Threatened
Now, if you’ve never seen the
Declaration of Retaliation Law
hanging in The Societal
Museum of Control, it clearly states that man or woman,
under this societal duress
may invoke Commandment #1:
Rally friends to see if they
agree that the other person is not only wrong,
but possibly
the incarnation of Dick Dastardly himself, without cute Mutley.
For you, you got away with
only a label of cad;
be grateful that Dr. Phil
hasn’t heard about your wrong doings.
In a follow-up digital
communication you will hear that EVERYONE (that is to be taken as the world, but a Facebook status update
will suffice as sufficient evidence) agrees with Lisa.
True, you did not get to
speak at your own trial
because the Retaliation Law
does not provide for that.
At this point there’s
typically 3 ways to proceed:
1. Talk It Out – Maybe To
Death
Both of you get into really
heated angry, dialogue, duking it out with
verbal one-upmanship
until you can’t quite
remember what you’re talking about, then exhausted,
sleep, and go at it again in
the morning.
Eventually the family picnic
and band eruption will cool,
feathers will un-ruffle and
back to normal life.
Until the next trigger
episode.
2. Society’s Method… It’s
Your Way or the Highway
With this one, each of you
get revved up on righteous indignation and go for the jugular.
Put your focus on dramatic
displays (huffing, puffing, slamming doors, cold shoulders, glaring, etc.)
requiring psychic interpretation for the
You-Mate-Had-Better-Figure-Out-Why-I’m-So-Mad Spectrum.
For Lisa: Keep up the blame and the thought that
he doesn’t love you in your head.
Dwell on the cruelty of his
attack, throw in a dose of he must be a liar,
and obsess on different ways
to punish the cad now and forever until the rage
brewing inside subsides
because he came to you begging for mercy
in a repentant apologetic and
groveling state.
For The Cad: Reread the above paragraph and change
the pronouns. Do the exact same thing.
3. Take the High Road
(with all of that forgiveness and love and spiritual stuff)
Since you both are mirroring
each other’s mindset, energy,
and have been subject to the
same old crappy societal conditioning, try this:
Realize you both saw “harsh” words from the
other—interpreted by your mind.
This led to intense upset in
each of you instantaneously.
This led to wanting to
inflict enough hurt to cause them to writhe in more pain than you.
Why a need to inflict the
pain?
Weird, but humanly true: To
punish them into loving you again,
because you think they aren’t
loving you right now.
This is the only time we care
about an Eckhart “now”—when we want to feel loved by them
this second because otherwise
we feel we can’t carry on.
Next, realize that punishing
someone into loving you
probably did not make Mother
Theresa’s Top 10,000 Ways to Love Another.
Know, that the other person
feels the exact same way as you
—and you are not more
entitled to feeling upset over the other.
You are not the King/Queen of
Entitlement.
And last, if we are here on
this Earth and we want love, what if we understood that the other person is
just like us, and wants our love, our understanding, our compassion
and retaliation only serves
to shut down love in us and them…maybe for days or months.
Can we find enough courage to
not stay trapped inside with the retaliation terrorist
in our conditioned mind and
instead go with the SWAT team out the window
and drop to the safety of
love for us and compassion for them?
Hon,
that’s so great you can go see the band. I feel excited with you.
I
felt bummed out at first, but then I focused on the opportunity for you
and
that has nothing to do with your feelings of love for me.
Ahh, the power of love.
AUTHOR BIO
Christine
Rich Hanson is a certified relationship and family coach.
She’s gently, but
boldly, helping women find love,
or, feel loved inside the most painful I-don’t-know-what-to-do-anymore situations.
Find her at: www.ChristineRichHanson.com and download
the free Cheat Sheet for Dealing with Men.
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