Being Kind to Others Is Being Kind to Yourself

All the different parts of you support the beautiful whole.

Being Kind to Others Is Being Kind to Yourself

Jen Picicci

“There is no exercise better for the heart than reaching down and lifting people up.” ~John Holmes

I moved to Vermont to work at a ski lodge the day after I turned twenty-two.

I had finished college six months earlier; September 11^th had made finding a “real” job 

in my field pretty much impossible, and I was ready for adventure.

Somehow I had been hired to be the head waitress in the lodge’s basement eatery,

where we served family-style meals every single morning and six nights a week.

I had no waitressing experience whatsoever; I’m pretty sure I was hired for this position

because I was older than some of the other employees, had a college degree 

(uh, in studio art), and had worked at a concession stand at the beach for three summers during college. I mean, at least I had handled food before, right?

Up until this point, my customer service skills were severely stunted. 

I barely tolerated customers; I rarely even spoke to them. The extent of my “service” skills involved making sure they got the right kind of soda and correct change.

In fact, at my very first job, as a cashier at a big box store where I had to wear a blue vest,

a customer actually complained about me to management. I didn’t smile, I wasn’t friendly,

and I wasn’t helpful. (In my defense, I was sixteen. And wearing a blue vest.)

One night at the ski lodge, I’ll never forget this, a couple who had come to stay 

every single year for the past decade pulled me aside so the husband could tell me something in private. "Your attitude comes off as very distant and aloof. I can tell you’re just shy, but you seem very unfriendly.”

Whoa.

For some reason having this older gentleman tell me how I seemed to outsiders absolutely, completely turned me and my attitude around.

He was right—I was shy, and also uncertain about myself. I was afraid to be friendly,

afraid to come out of my shell and potentially embarrass myself.

But I didn’t want to be seen as unfriendly and aloof.

I wanted to connect with people, I just didn’t know how.

As the ski season went on, I did my best to make little changes: more eye contact, more smiles, more conversation. I can’t say I immediately saw a huge shift, but I was trying.

Fast-forward another couple of years: after traveling around the country for a while

(even living in a tent at one point; aren’t your twenties great?),

I ended up back at the ski lodge again. This time, I was hired to work at the front desk.

The front desk?? Where all the people were? All the time?

Yup, that front desk.

By this time the lodge had changed hands, and the new owner said something to me

about how to talk on the phone with customers that left a lasting impression.

She said, “Smile when you talk, because customers can hear it all the way through the phone.”

She was so right. I still think about that any time I’m on the phone with a customer or client.

I can’t tell you exactly what happened to me during that ski season,

but by the time my parents came up for a visit in the spring and saw me in action,

they were impressed with how friendly and confident I was with guests,

but not nearly as impressed (and happy) as I was.

All of a sudden I loved helping people. I was thrilled when guests came to check in,

adored giving restaurant recommendations, and was elated to tell prospective clients

all that our area had to offer.

Suddenly, I realized how wonderful it was to be kind—

being friendly to others actually made me happier!

I don’t know why for all those years I had thought keeping silent or being disgruntled

was good for me—I guess I just didn’t know any different.

After a year in Vermont, I moved down to the mountains of North Carolina

(just as pretty; a whole lot warmer),

where I landed myself another hotel job, this time at an historic inn.

Within a year or so I was running the front desk and was managing events, and I loved it!

Friday afternoons when we got a crush of people, ready to kick off their relaxing visit?

Pure bliss for me!

Sunday mornings, when guests were checking out and wanted to reminisce about their weekend? Utter satisfaction!

A brunch where the quiche turned out just right

and the hostess had properly impressed her friends? My work was done!

New Year’s Eve? Best night of the year! I actually put myself on for the late night shift

(I was in charge of scheduling) so my employees could be off, but I could be part of the fun.

The same group of guests came to celebrate every year, and I’d walk the hallways,

being invited into open rooms for a bite of fancy cheese or a swig of champagne.

I don’t know how to explain it, other than being kind and helping others completed

something in me I didn’t even know was missing.

If you’ve ever felt like you wanted to connect more with others, to offer kindness and support,

but feel too shy or nervous about the possibility of being rejected, I want to tell you

that stepping out of your shell, even just a little bit, can bring enormous rewards.

Pick something that feels easy and comfortable to you.

Do you have to be on the phone frequently for your job?

Try smiling when you’re talking on the phone, even if you feel a little silly,

even if the person on the other end is being difficult or unfriendly.

I bet you’ll feel really good when you hang up.

Perhaps you notice a new participant in your yoga class, someone who seems uncertain

and hangs in the back. Do whatever feels best—smile, wave, walk over and introduce yourself. Imagine if you were in the same position; wouldn’t it feel great for someone to reach out to you?

Ask coworkers if they need a hand with anything. Ask friendly questions of your new neighbor. 

Volunteer for a local charity or library.

Anything that connects you with others and allows you to flex your kindness muscle will do. 

You’ll be amazed to see that being kind makes other people happy, 

but brings an even greater joy to you.

After working at the inn for a few years I moved on to a hospitality job at the local airport,

and from there realized that I wanted to expand my kindness and help others on an even more profound level, but there’s a part of me that will always miss working at a hotel.

Interacting with guests taught me so much about myself. It gave me so much confidence,

and it taught me one of the most important lessons of my life: to be kind to others

was to be kind to myself. I hope you’ll open your heart to learning the same lesson.

http://tinybuddha.com/blog/being-kind-to-others-is-being-kind-to-yourself/

Introduction to Turbo Charged Reading YouTube

A practical overview of Turbo Charged Reading YouTube 

How to choose a book. A Turbo Charged Reading YouTube

Emotions when Turbo Charged Reading YouTube

Advanced Reading Skills Perhaps you’d like to join my FaceBook group ?

www.facebook.com/mreenhunt

www.pinterest.com/mreenhunt

Perhaps you’d like to check out my sister blog:

www.innermindworking.blogspot.com         gives many ways for you to work with the stresses of life

www.turbochargedreading.blogspot.com    for extra TCR information

www.happyartaccidents.blogspot.com         just for fun.

To quote the Dr Seuss himself, “The more that you read, the more things you will know.

The more that you learn; the more places you'll go.”

Sending/Accepting Facebook Friend Requests from your office colleagues

Sending/Accepting Facebook Friend Requests from your office colleagues

You have a big network of friends on your Facebook Channel and suddenly

one day you get a friend request from your boss or co-worker, so what do you do next?

Lately, companies everywhere are using Twitter, Facebook and LinkedIn,

but more and more employees are discovering that their management

is using social networking tools for purposes other than socializing.

For this reason, many employees feel awkward and defensive 

when approached about opening up their networks to their work colleagues.

Human resources department frequently research job candidate’s background

and existing employees through their Facebook profiles.

Inappropriate comments and images surfaced on Facebook have shown 

quite a few employees the exit door. Even more are denied job opportunities.

So given the circumstances regarding the regularity of social media usage in workplace,

many workers and management are at crossroads about what is appropriate and what isn't.

To friend or not to friend, that is the question
Jim Gould, president at I Support, agrees to the benefits of Facebook interaction with colleagues.

“It would probably help me to improve my business to see 

the uncensored and probably incidental comments of my colleagues,

but I cannot see any advantage to them including me in their private conversations,” he says.

LinkedIn professionals were asked where they stood on friending workplace colleagues

and more than 90 percent of respondents said that adding bosses to Facebook is a no-no.

Adding coworkers were deemed more acceptable:

More than 60 percent said they have or expected to add coworkers to their network.

Still most agreed that the best solution was to keep the two worlds separate.

“I firmly believe that LinkedIn is for professional use and Facebook is for personal use,” 

says Jason Chu, executive recruiter at Shulman Fleming and Partners.

 “My personal life, as tame as it is, is still my person life. It has no relevance in my work environment.”

If you must accept, here’s an idea
Many employees who want to maintain a level of privacy from their employers

find it hard to deny a friend request from a supervisor.

After all, how can you say to a boss, "no, I don't want to be your friend."

Doing so could also raise serious questions about your loyalty

and create tension in your working relationship.

To avoid getting tangled in the office politics of social networking,

some employees will even go so far as to create a second Facebook profile 

just for work relationships so as to not appear rude to colleagues and supervisors.

“Create two different profiles:

One you share with your closest friends and one you share with everyone else.

Facebook allows you to manipulate your settings so people in the latter group only see

what you want them to see,” advises Trace Cohen, chief marketing officer at Brandyourself.com.

But many also argue that keeping two profiles is easily searchable

and that it just makes you look like you’re trying to hide something.

Some even believe that refusing to accept a boss or coworker into your social network

puts a shroud of suspicion on your character.

With the constantly evolving landscape of networking platforms,

workplace ethics is as complicated as ever.

It’s a case of damned if you do, damned if you don’t.

Friending the boss after all 
Perhaps you’re the exception to the case— you have a wonderful relationship with your boss

and coworkers and you've decided to include them into Facebook page.

Are you being sensible or have you just committed job-sabotage?

“I am absolutely comfortable with adding supervisors and professional contacts as friends on Facebook,” says Scott Hale, Social Media Marketing Specialist.

Hale keeps his profile an even mix “between professional and personal

and I believe it represents my ability to balance my hobbies with my professional interests.”

Likewise, Erica D, an associate director at a nonprofit organization agrees.

Because she is a shy person by nature, she admits that adding coworkers to her Facebook page

has helped develop a camaraderie that she would typically find difficult to achieve in person.

“Having positive relations in the office is so important. I think [Facebook] has helped,” she says.

Erica uses updates as a way to start a conversation with someone at work. “When I ask for information or assistance to do my job, they are more likely to be receptive or willing to help.”

She also points out that while she has witnessed some indiscretions with others,

she herself is careful to recognize that Facebook, like all the other networks, is a public forum. “Everything I post is something I wouldn't mind seeing posted on the bulletin board at work.”

Yes, there is an upside to having a boss and coworker in your social circle—

it’s easier to build trust and loyalty within the confines of a Facebook page.

For those that are judicious about sharing appropriate information,

the benefit of having developed trust and friendship from a supervisor can be immeasurable.

The best advice in using any networking tool is to always be a bit guarded about what you share. 

Keep your Facebook page and other social networking platforms entertaining

and as non-controversial as possible.

While it’s easy to get carried away with posting pictures of yourself doing a wild strip tease

at a friend’s party, it’s also wise to remember that a quick laugh can just as easily

leave an unfavorable impression on those that are unfamiliar to you.

Bottom line is you just never know who is watching.

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/article/20141206125927-64731724-sending-accepting-facebook-friend-requests-from-your-office-colleagues?trk=hb_ntf_MEGAPHONE_ARTICLE_POST

Perhaps you’d like to check out my sister blogs:

www.ourinnerminds.blogspot.com              this takes advantage of the experience and expertise of others. 

www.turbochargedreading.blogspot.com     describes the steps to reading in the way your mind prefers.

www.happyartaccidents.blogspot.com        just for fun.

www.pintrest.com/mreenhunt

www.facebook.com/mreenhunt

Facebook Group: Advanced Reading Skills

To quote the Dr Seuss himself, “The more that you read, the more things you will know.

The more that you learn; the more places you'll go.”