10 Things Extraordinary People Say Every Day

They're small things, but each has the power to dramatically change someone's day. Including yours. Want to make a huge difference in someone's life?  Here are things you should say every day to your employees, colleagues, family members, friends, and everyone you care about:

"Here's what I'm thinking."

You're in charge, but that doesn't mean you're smarter, savvier, or more insightful than everyone else. Back up your statements and decisions. Give reasons. Justify with logic, not with position or authority.

Though taking the time to explain your decisions opens those decisions up to discussion or criticism, 

it also opens up your decisions to improvement. Authority can make you "right," but collaboration makes everyone right--and makes everyone pull together.

"I was wrong."

I once came up with what I thought was an awesome plan to improve overall productivity by moving a crew to a different shift on an open production line. The inconvenience to the crew was considerable, but the payoff seemed worth it. On paper, it was perfect. In practice, it wasn't.

So, a few weeks later, I met with the crew and said, "I know you didn't think this would work, 

and you were right. I was wrong. Let's move you back to your original shift."

I felt terrible. I felt stupid. I was sure I'd lost any respect they had for me.

It turns out I was wrong about that, too. Later one employee said, "I didn't really know you, but the fact you were willing to admit you were wrong told me everything I needed to know."

When you're wrong, say you're wrong. You won't lose respect--you'll gain it.

"That was awesome."

No one gets enough praise. No one. Pick someone--pick anyone--who does or did something well and say, "Wow, that was great how you..."

And feel free to go back in time. Saying "Earlier, I was thinking about how you handled that employee issue last month..." can make just as positive an impact today as it would have then. (It could even make a bigger impact, because it shows you still remember what happened last month, and you still think about it.)

Praise is a gift that costs the giver nothing but is priceless to the recipient. Start praising. The people around you will love you for it--and you'll like yourself a little better, too.

"You're welcome."

Think about a time you gave a gift and the recipient seemed uncomfortable or awkward. Their reaction took away a little of the fun for you, right?

The same thing can happen when you are thanked or complimented or praised. Don't spoil the moment or the fun for the other person. The spotlight may make you feel uneasy or insecure, but all you have to do is make eye contact and say, "Thank you." Or make eye contact and say, "You're welcome. I was glad to do it."

Don't let thanks, congratulations, or praise be all about you. Make it about the other person, too.

"Can you help me?"

When you need help, regardless of the type of help you need or the person you need it from, just say, sincerely and humbly, "Can you help me?"

I promise you'll get help. And in the process you'll show vulnerability, respect, and a willingness to listen--which, by the way, are all qualities of a great leader. And are all qualities of a great friend.

"I'm sorry."

We all make mistakes, so we all have things we need to apologize for: words, actions, omissions, failing to step up, step in, show support...  Say you're sorry.

But never follow an apology with a disclaimer like "But I was really mad, because..." or "But I did think you were..." or any statement that in any way places even the smallest amount of blame back on the other person.

Say you're sorry, say why you're sorry, and take all the blame. No less. No more.

Then you both get to make the freshest of fresh starts.

"Can you show me?"

Advice is temporary; knowledge is forever. Knowing what to do helps, but knowing how or why to do it means everything. When you ask to be taught or shown, several things happen: You implicitly show you respect the person giving the advice; you show you trust his or her experience, skill, and insight; and you get to better assess the value of the advice.

Don't just ask for input. Ask to be taught or trained or shown.

Then you both win.

"Let me give you a hand."

Many people see asking for help as a sign of weakness. So, many people hesitate to ask for help.

But everyone needs help.

Don't just say, "Is there anything I can help you with?" Most people will give you a version of the reflexive "No, I'm just looking" reply to sales clerks and say, "No, I'm all right."

Be specific. Find something you can help with. Say "I've got a few minutes. Can I help you finish that?" Offer in a way that feels collaborative, not patronizing or gratuitous. Model the behavior you want your employees to display.

Then actually roll up your sleeves and help.

"I love you."

No, not at work, but everywhere you mean it--and every time you feel it.

Nothing.

Sometimes the best thing to say is nothing. If you're upset, frustrated, or angry, stay quiet. 

You may think venting will make you feel better, but it never does.

That's especially true where your employees are concerned. Results come and go, but feelings are forever. Criticize an employee in a group setting and it will seem like he eventually got over it, 

but inside, he never will.

Before you speak, spend more time considering how employees will think and feel than you do evaluating whether the decision makes objective sense. 

You can easily recover from a mistake made because of faulty data or inaccurate projections.

You'll never recover from the damage you inflict on an employee's self-esteem.

Be quiet until you know exactly what to say--and exactly what affect your words will have.

http://www.inc.com/jeff-haden/10-things-extraordinary-people-say-every-day.html#!/1

Perhaps you’d like to checkout my sister blog www.innermindreading.blogspot.com
and find easy, fast and efficient ways of working with the issues or little unpleasantness’s in your life.

4 Powerful Goal Setting Rules

Arina has written a deceptively simple article that if you take pen to paper and follow this advice you will find that you have completed a very beneficial exercise.
If you scroll down this blog and read Hierarchy of needs you will find out how to prioritise your to-do list, or how valuable and/or realistic your goals are to you at this point in time.

                      Photo by M'reen. I  liked the ivy creeping under the wall- following the rules.

4 Powerful Goal Setting Rules
ARINA NIKITINA

When we set goals we usually consider them to be “realistic”. After all, it wouldn’t make any sense to strive after “unrealistic goals” and set yourself up for a failure right from the start.
Yet, for some unexplainable reason, 75% of people still consistently fail to meet their goals, objectives and New Year’s resolutions. These failures have very little to do with the lack of time, weak motivation, or our skills. It’s just that the concept of “realistic goals” is so vague that we end up with vague results.
But that’s about to change! Here are the 4 Golden Rules of Realistic Goal Setting that I wish someone had taught me years ago.

Goal Setting Rule #1: Be in control of your goal
How can you tell that you are in control of your goal? Simple: if it’s positive outcome fully depends on your efforts, not outside circumstances or other people, then you’re in control.
“Winning the lottery” is an extreme example of an outcome you can hardly influence. Sure, you can buy lottery tickets, but other than that, there is not much you can do about it. It doesn’t look cool when people blame a bad economy, a stupid boss or corrupted politicians for their failures. You need to accept 100% of the responsibility for your successes and failures, so make sure that your goals are 100% within your control.

Goal Setting Rule #2: Know when you’ve achieved it
Seems pretty obvious. How can you not know when you’ve achieved your goal? You either have it or you don’t. True enough. But the vast majority of goals and New Year’s resolutions that I hear are unrealistic for one simple reason: they lack a measurable criteria.
“Getting in shape”, “exercising regularly”, “learning Spanish”, “making tons of money” are just some of the examples of goals that have no clear destination point in mind. How will you know if you are in shape? Does it mean that you should be able to run a 10K marathon, without stopping? Or that you should lose a few inches around your waist?
The same is true for learning Spanish. How can you tell if someone has learned Spanish? Does it mean memorizing 2,000 words? Learning basic grammar? Or being able to carry out a conversation with a native speaker in Spanish and they actually understand what you’re saying?
Apply “get what you set” rule to any goal that you chose for yourself. Make it super-specific and measurable, so that you know exactly when you’ve achieved it.

Goal Setting Rule #3: Work in gradual 10% improvements
Dream big, but take baby steps and you’ll get where you want to be much faster and with less effort. Instead of aiming to lose 20 pounds in 5 months, break this goal into smaller and easier-to-reach milestones: losing 2 pound in 2 weeks. It’s less overwhelming, and consequently, there is a lower chance that you will procrastinate on taking action.
In addition, focusing on gradual 10% improvements allows you to; track your progress better, keep your motivation higher and celebrate little achievements along the way. The rule of thumb is to take your probably ambitious goal, divide it by 10 and focus on a smaller milestone with a shorter deadline.

Goal Setting Rule #4: Be prepared to sacrifice something
Numerous Psychological studies show that we are prone to the so-called “planning fallacy” bias. When we need to think of a “realistic” scenario, we envision everything going exactly as planned. We tend to overestimate the benefits of doing a certain task and greatly underestimate the time and effort it will take you.
A great way to overcome planning fallacy is to think in terms of what we are ready to give up in order to get what we want.
When you change your perspective from getting to giving up and making sacrificed, you can immediately tell the difference between an objective that you really want and something that you wouldn’t mind having.
The higher your level of commitment is, the longer you will stick with your goals, the more you will be ready to invest in it. And investing doesn’t necessarily mean “money”. It may be about investing your time, forgoing some of your leisure activities, skipping a vacation, waking up an hour earlier or feeling sore after a workout.

Think about it.
Apply the 4 Golden Rules and take your goals from somewhat-realistic to realistically-infallible. Then pass this knowledge on and help your friends achieve their goals as well!

http://www.stevenaitchison.co.uk/blog/4-powerful-goal-setting-rules/

Perhaps you’d like to checkout my sister blog www.innermindreading.blogspot.com

and find easy, fast and efficient ways of working with the issues or little unpleasantness’s in your life. 

I am now featuring aspects of my upcoming internet programme to teach Inner Mind Reading.

Factors That Can Cause People to Be Difficult

                Photo by M'reen This tree must have had a difficult time but has been successful

Factors Which Can Cause People To Be Difficult

Where can you find difficult people? The workplace is definitely a common place, but that is not always the fact. Sometimes difficult people exist in our private lives as well. Maybe the all too picked upon mother-in-law or maybe just a friend that is often difficult. Some people are what are considered people pleasers, which means they attempt to keep others happy, even at their own expense.

Have you ever been at the supermarket and had an altercation with another customer or clerk? Have you ever had a run in with a waiter or waitress? It is entirely possible that you might need to handle a difficult person that is a total stranger to you. So, no matter whether you are at work, out to dinner or shopping for groceries, you have the potential for the need to know how to handle the difficult person or the difficult situation.

What causes a person to behave in a difficult manner? All people are unique and have different factors that influence their behavior. Stress is definitely an important factor to consider when approaching a person who is being difficult. The problem with stress is that it is not always visual. There are symptoms that can be detected with some people such as nervousness, quietness, fidgety, quick to anger or anything that is out of the ordinary for that person.

With all the advanced technology of today, another factor that often affects people is constant change. Think back over the past year of all the changes that you have seen in your workplace. If you are one of the lucky people, this may not bother you, but there are workers that do not handle all these changes well. Some would say that that is just the way it is, but for others it is not so simple.

At times, it may be that they do not feel comfortable with the changes and that is typically when fear plays into the scenario. Will I lose my job if I can't keep up with the changes? How will I support my family? Sometimes this is under the surface and causes problems when others don't realize it is even an issue. Status, fear, and needs can also be key points which can contribute to a person being difficult or a situation occurring. In today's world, it is definitely imperative to be able to disagree, but to do it with tact and definitely professionalism.

The same factors can influence friends or family, as well as the stranger at the store. Maybe the lady in the checkout lane just lost her husband or maybe the man behind you just lost his job. There are definitely some people who just don't have to have a reason, but many times there are underlying reasons for people's behavior.

Patrick Cumiskey  http://ezinearticles.com/?Factors-That-Course-People-to-Be-Difficult&id=8193617

Perhaps you’d like to checkout my sister blog www.innermindreading.blogspot.com

and find easy, fast and efficient ways of working with the issues or little unpleasantness’s in your life.

I am now featuring aspects of my upcoming internet programme to teach Inner Mind Reading.

Dealing with difficult Situations

     Photo by M'reen. These arum lily force their way through the leaf litter each year.

Dealing with difficult Situations 
No matter what you do or what business you are in, you will someday 

be put in the position of dealing with a difficult person or situation.

It could be because of the nature of your job, working in project management for example, or you could find yourself dealing with the general public, some of whom could be stressed, frustrated or upset.

Why are people hard to deal with at times? There are many different reasons for the way people react, but the trick to being successful

is to learn how to deal with them and to deal with the situations.

People are people, no matter how hard you attempt to conduct yourself 

in a professional manner, you will happen upon the person who makes 

you think twice. What do I do about this or how do I handle this person. Sometimes it is not a person, but purely a situation that is not always 

one person's fault.

There will be days in your life when you feel you have a fire extinguisher 

on your back and all you are doing is going around putting out fires. If you are in the upper management of your business this is truly a possibility. 

Doing a certain job is sometimes an easy thing, but handling of people 

can often be the biggest challenge.

There will be times when no matter what you do, you will not be able to satisfy a person. One of the most important things is to be fair.

If there is a problem, check it out very thoroughly, never just take

one person's word for it. Go by policy and address the situation

before it has the chance to get cold.

What getting cold means, is if there is a problem and it is not addressed 

in a timely manner, you will lose the respect of all people involved. A month from now is not good timing. No matter how busy you are, make the time. Your employees and peers will respect you a lot more if you do.

Your career and personal well-being can depend on how you deal with these situations. You need to keep in mind that you don't have to be close or a friend to everyone. Be polite and deal appropriately with these situations. When handling these problems, make an attempt not to place blame. 

There are times when these situations occur because of two types 

of personalities clashing.

The world is not a perfect place and no matter how hard we try, 

difficult people do exist. No workplace is without them. You may run across the person who goes to extraordinary lengths to be difficult.

The workplace definitely brings you together with people.

These people will have many different personalities. 

Most everyone has a person at work they dread running into. 

Do not lose your focus though. Always stay in your professional realm 

and you should never be at fault for anything that happens on the job.

Patrick Cumiskey

http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Patrick_Cumiskey

Perhaps you’d like to checkout my sister blog www.innermindreading.blogspot.com

and find easy, fast and efficient ways of working with the issues or little unpleasantness’s in your life.

I am now featuring aspects of my upcoming internet programme to teach Inner Mind Reading.

I simply can't get this to the blog I want, however It is well worth watching

I wanted it to be posted on www.happyartaccidents.blogspot.co.uk
but failed miserably. If you've ever been frustrated by MS Paint then this is a must :)

Just what can you do about the stress in your life?

                                             M'reen  Dad carved these, he's now 92.

                                               What would they weigh? Do you know?

Just what can you do about the stress in your life?

M’reen Hunt

First find out what sort of stress it is and what you can do about it practically.

Create a little chart.

                                                                                                

The stress?	bad or good	1 > 10	+ or - stress	How do u feel	Can you resolve this?	Do you need to react?
Other drivers	Irritating	9 at times	minus	memories	No	No

1.       Name the stress, don’t go overboard a word or two will be sufficient

2.       Is this a good (eustress) or bad stress. Remember that something anticipated as good

        has a hefty stress rating. E.g. a wedding, moving to a new home.

3.       How stressful is this, give it a scale. For this you might want to check out my article: 

        How do I know if I have a problem and how big it is? This also gives a TFT (EFT) 

        skill all found on my sister blog at   www.innermindreading.blogspot.com

4.       Is this supposed to be a positive (new baby) or negative (new baby) stress?

5.       How do you feel about this – what are your emotions?  It triggers memories of accident’s

  I had to attend and then to speak to the traumatically bereaved family.

6.       No, it’s not possible to affect other people’s driving habits.

7.       Yes, most positively you can determine how you react emotionally to any situation.

        Though even for a seasoned pro., it might take the help of a therapist. 

        In the situation described, relax into trace (see the power of magic bubbles in my sister 

        blog) and imagine that every time you stop at a traffic light that you let your shoulders drop 

        a little and let all the stress of the day drop off you like water off a duck’s back. 

        Do this a number of time until your SUD (subjective unit of distress; the 1>10 scale) 

        has come down to an acceptable level. This has worked for particular roundabouts, 

        people driving into a potential accident and other road related stresses. 

        It even made me feel safe as a passenger when an aggressive driver relaxed.

8.       Is there something that you can do to alter the situation? One lady was offered a significant 

        pay rise as opposed to the firm resolving an issue. This trapped her into a stressful 

        situation. Therefore she was back at the start of her situation and searching for different 

        ways to affect the working relationship between herself and a colleague.

How to deal with criticism, sarcasm and ‘jokes’.

I know someone who had perfected this art; 

it was really frustrating as everyone simply hit a brick wall with no way over, under, through or round.

Whenever anyone says something that criticises your dress, behaviour, beliefs, actions etc.

Simply. Say. YES, I and repeat exactly what they have said.

Or if you enjoy playing you can come up with variations such as: 

YES, and use your own words to describe their criticism.

Actually the person being criticised has to listen carefully to the criticism in order to repeat it 

or to embroider the statement. I guess there is hope that they will eventually get the message.

The person being criticised responds only to the statement and not to the stress implications behind the statement or what the person being criticised ‘mind reads’ as the stress being implied.

If someone criticises in a way that you feel you must defend your position and cannot say, YES ….

If someone says that you can’t …, you are no good at.., and it presses buttons.

Then try, Yes there are times I …, Yes I used to be really rubbish at …

You are not taking on the guilt trip, you are being realistic as no one is 100% right a !00% of the time.

The first time I did this there was an opened mouth silence and I realised that I’d attracted this criticism as a sort of self defence. If I declared my inadequacies first then no one would attack me.

After that first time of affirming myself to myself out loud, I realised that I was not as bad as I thought 

I was and began to be more realistic about myself. Guess what folks? People eventually accept 

the new you and have to deal with their own insecurities or bullying tactics.

This is the perfect foil for those who use sarcasm or make ‘innocent’ and ‘amusing’ ‘jokes’ 

at your expense. Simply reply, YES, I’m … There is no question that you believe this rubbish; 

you’ve simply put up a verbal ‘I’m not playing your silly power games so go away’ sign. Gosh, why didn’t I remember this instead of allowing myself to ‘fight back’ and feel bad about myself?

Perhaps you’d like to checkout my sister blog www.innermindreading.blogspot.com

and find easy, fast and efficient ways of working with the issues or little unpleasantness’s in your life.

The first 32 blogs

Index for ourinnerminds blog:  The First 32

32  How to say what you want. author: M’reen

31  Words that can get you into and out of trouble.  author: M’reen

30  How to say ‘No’ at work in a way that helpsyour career. ND

29  Your voice is your calling card. CD

28  How can you take control of your emotions bybecoming rooted in yourself? CD

27  5 Steps of financial freedom. PL

26  Finding meaning in dirty jobs. JMcC

25  How do you decide what is the most important aspectof your concerns right now?  author: M’reen

24  Psychological symptoms of stress. CB

23  How I learned to stop procrastinating andlove letting go. LB

22  Goal creation. CB

21  Grow to accept people as they really are.  author: M’reen

20  The 7 habits of highly effective people. CA

19  How to help others without compromising yourself. WF

18  This I simply HAD to share. Alpine Ibexes

17 The art of restingfully. Yan

16  How to write yourself out of self doubt. FRR

15  Eating nuts ‘may prolong life,’ JG

14 Grounding by centeringin your space.  author: M’reen

13  The case for getting past collusion. DLK

12  Analysis versus feeling.  author: M’reen

11  Books that have changed directions.

10  Culture, courage and whistleblowers. CM

9   He had to be with her. Poem ERL

8   Happy gardens.  author: M’reen

7   What 3-D printing really can (and can’t) do. AM

6   What is your opinion? A

5   This is awesome. YouTube

4   Magic, chocolate and hypnotherapy.  author: M’reen

3   Take back your power. MJA

2   My glimpse of death.  author: M’reen

1   Memories are made up ofmoments.  author: M’reen