4 Tips to Start Loving Yourself and Stop Criticizing Yourself

Practice makes perfect.

4 Tips to Start Loving Yourself and Stop Criticizing Yourself

Chloe Brotheridge

“You have been criticizing yourself for years, and it hasn’t worked.

Try approving of yourself and see what happens.” ~Louise L. Hay

I used to give myself quite a hard time.

I felt like I wasn’t measuring up or doing enough or achieving as much as my peers.

I decided to make a note of the way I was speaking to myself and treating myself.

What I found surprised me.

I noticed that I’d berate myself for days if something didn’t go exactly to plan,

convinced that there was something wrong with me and that was why I had messed up.

I’d tell myself that I was stupid, useless, and a thoroughly incompetent, unworthy human being. Pretty mean stuff, really!

I wouldn’t even speak to my worst enemy that way I was speaking to myself.

It was time to make a change.

Are you at war with yourself?

It’s been said many times that a lack of self-love is at the root of all of our problems, and I agree.

Our addictive behaviors are so often interlinked with self-esteem issues,

not feeling good enough or valuing our own worth.

At times, food or drugs may be a way of self-medicating or even self-harming.

If we’re stressed or anxious, we’re putting too much pressure on ourselves,

telling ourselves that things should be a certain way—that we need to be different or try harder. We’re not accepting ourselves and the situation as it is right now.

When we take good care of ourselves, nurture ourselves, and accept ourselves completely,

stresses seem more manageable, healthy choices are natural, 

and we feel better within ourselves.

Many of us think we need to be harsh and critical of ourselves in order to progress

and move forward. However, evidence suggests that harsh criticism is actually demotivating

and stressful, not helpful.

If you’re sick of being at war with yourself and are ready to love yourself more 

and become calmer, happier, and healthier, try these four steps.

1. Speak to yourself as you’d speak to someone you love and want to encourage.

Would you tell them that they’re no good? Would you give them a hard time? I don’t think so.

Tune into how you’re speaking to yourself throughout the day.

Once you become aware of a harsh tone, work on changing this to a tone that is patient, compassionate, and accepting.

Giving yourself a hard time isn’t effective at helping you to do your best.

I like to remind myself that I’m doing my best, that every experience is a learning experience,

and that I’m already good enough.

2. See yourself as your loved ones see you.

When I first met my boyfriend I didn’t believe him when he told me he loved me.

I wasn’t able to see past my own self-criticism to see what he could see.

By imagining how he saw me, I was able to perceive myself in the way that he did

—all the good points, the strengths, the sense of humor, the quirks, the vulnerability,

and yes, the flaws, but on the whole, I could see a worthwhile and lovable person.

Imagine a person that loves you and picture them sitting in front of you now.

Notice the way they look at you in way that lets you know that they love and accept you completely.

Now imagine you can step into their shoes and see yourself through their eyes, with love, 

care, and kindness. Notice all your amazing qualities and even all of your flaws,

and send yourself a lot of acceptance for all of it.

Now step back into your own shoes but bring with you this new perspective.

 3. Make a daily list of the things you appreciate about yourself.

It could be that you’re a good friend, or maybe you always remain calm in a crisis.

So often we’re programmed to notice our deficiencies and the things we lack.

Challenge this instinct by noticing the things you appreciate instead.

Recently, I’ve appreciated myself for being a good listener,

for making great cakes for my friend’s birthdays, for my willingness to work on myself,

and for the fact that I can now do twenty whole pushups!

 4. Remember that you are a human being and are therefore fallible.

You and everyone else on the planet are a work in progress.

You don’t need to be perfect; you are always learning, always changing,

and getting better every day.

Aim for progress rather than perfection.

We are all doing our best with the tools and abilities that we have at our disposal.

So give yourself a break and remember that you’re doing just fine.

I’d love to hear about the ways that learning to love yourself has helped you, or could help you. What strategies do you have for loving yourself more?

http://tinybuddha.com/blog/4-tips-to-start-loving-yourself-and-stop-criticizing-yourself/

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Just what can you do about the stress in your life?

                                             M'reen  Dad carved these, he's now 92.

                                               What would they weigh? Do you know?

Just what can you do about the stress in your life?

M’reen Hunt

First find out what sort of stress it is and what you can do about it practically.

Create a little chart.

                                                                                                

The stress?	bad or good	1 > 10	+ or - stress	How do u feel	Can you resolve this?	Do you need to react?
Other drivers	Irritating	9 at times	minus	memories	No	No

1.       Name the stress, don’t go overboard a word or two will be sufficient

2.       Is this a good (eustress) or bad stress. Remember that something anticipated as good

        has a hefty stress rating. E.g. a wedding, moving to a new home.

3.       How stressful is this, give it a scale. For this you might want to check out my article: 

        How do I know if I have a problem and how big it is? This also gives a TFT (EFT) 

        skill all found on my sister blog at   www.innermindreading.blogspot.com

4.       Is this supposed to be a positive (new baby) or negative (new baby) stress?

5.       How do you feel about this – what are your emotions?  It triggers memories of accident’s

  I had to attend and then to speak to the traumatically bereaved family.

6.       No, it’s not possible to affect other people’s driving habits.

7.       Yes, most positively you can determine how you react emotionally to any situation.

        Though even for a seasoned pro., it might take the help of a therapist. 

        In the situation described, relax into trace (see the power of magic bubbles in my sister 

        blog) and imagine that every time you stop at a traffic light that you let your shoulders drop 

        a little and let all the stress of the day drop off you like water off a duck’s back. 

        Do this a number of time until your SUD (subjective unit of distress; the 1>10 scale) 

        has come down to an acceptable level. This has worked for particular roundabouts, 

        people driving into a potential accident and other road related stresses. 

        It even made me feel safe as a passenger when an aggressive driver relaxed.

8.       Is there something that you can do to alter the situation? One lady was offered a significant 

        pay rise as opposed to the firm resolving an issue. This trapped her into a stressful 

        situation. Therefore she was back at the start of her situation and searching for different 

        ways to affect the working relationship between herself and a colleague.

How to deal with criticism, sarcasm and ‘jokes’.

I know someone who had perfected this art; 

it was really frustrating as everyone simply hit a brick wall with no way over, under, through or round.

Whenever anyone says something that criticises your dress, behaviour, beliefs, actions etc.

Simply. Say. YES, I and repeat exactly what they have said.

Or if you enjoy playing you can come up with variations such as: 

YES, and use your own words to describe their criticism.

Actually the person being criticised has to listen carefully to the criticism in order to repeat it 

or to embroider the statement. I guess there is hope that they will eventually get the message.

The person being criticised responds only to the statement and not to the stress implications behind the statement or what the person being criticised ‘mind reads’ as the stress being implied.

If someone criticises in a way that you feel you must defend your position and cannot say, YES ….

If someone says that you can’t …, you are no good at.., and it presses buttons.

Then try, Yes there are times I …, Yes I used to be really rubbish at …

You are not taking on the guilt trip, you are being realistic as no one is 100% right a !00% of the time.

The first time I did this there was an opened mouth silence and I realised that I’d attracted this criticism as a sort of self defence. If I declared my inadequacies first then no one would attack me.

After that first time of affirming myself to myself out loud, I realised that I was not as bad as I thought 

I was and began to be more realistic about myself. Guess what folks? People eventually accept 

the new you and have to deal with their own insecurities or bullying tactics.

This is the perfect foil for those who use sarcasm or make ‘innocent’ and ‘amusing’ ‘jokes’ 

at your expense. Simply reply, YES, I’m … There is no question that you believe this rubbish; 

you’ve simply put up a verbal ‘I’m not playing your silly power games so go away’ sign. Gosh, why didn’t I remember this instead of allowing myself to ‘fight back’ and feel bad about myself?

Perhaps you’d like to checkout my sister blog www.innermindreading.blogspot.com

and find easy, fast and efficient ways of working with the issues or little unpleasantness’s in your life.

How to write your way out of self-doubt.

How to write your way out of self-doubt

BY FRANCES REID ROWLAND 

The bad news is there is no complete cure for self-doubt. “That’s not peppy,” you’re probably thinking. Well, here’s the good news: you are not alone—it is experienced by even the best writers out there—and it is a feeling that can be both mastered and overcome. I’m sure if you are in the throes of a hearty dose of it, you’re still thinking that’s of little comfort (and possibly something four-lettered), but the suggestions below will help you find your way out of the fog.

1. Be selfish, write for yourself

On many occasions, perhaps not just in our writing, we become too concerned with what other people think. That concern can turn to fear: “What if I make a fool of myself?” And that fear stops us in our tracks. So, in answer to this, I say don’t write worrying about how someone else will react to your work. Write for yourself. You think this story is important and you think it’s interesting. Set it down for yourself because it’s a story you want to follow. Remember that early on in the writing process, it is exploratory—you are on an adventure of discovery for yourself and it doesn’t matter what someone else may or may not think. Hearing someone else’s opinion comes later, when sending it to an editor. By then, hopefully, you will have found your writing rhythm, got it all down and it will simply be a case of tweaking and tightening.

2. Don’t compare yourself to others

One of my favourite authors is Dodi Smith. Her turn of phrase, her ability to show, not tell and the humour she unassumingly slips into her prose is just how I want to write. Yet when I read back over some of my own drafts I am bitterly disappointed. Yes, appreciate someone else’s work and learn from them, but do not expect to be them. And why should you? You view the world through different eyes, have formed your opinions through different experiences and that will come out in your storytelling. Become your own favourite author by learning the craft and honing it to your own preferences. Also, look at it from this angle: think about the books, films and programs you admire and love, even about the friends you enjoy spending time with. You have good taste, right? So if you are enjoying spending time with the characters in your story as much as you enjoy spending time with, say, Mal from Firefly, the chances are someone else is going to enjoy spending time with your character as well.

3. Exercise that muscle and give yourself time to grow stronger

I truly believe writing is like a muscle—you have it within you, but to really use it effectively you need to exercise that muscle, tone it and teach it technique. You might be glancing down at the first paragraph you have written with a feeling of “what is this drivel?” I’m sorry to say that, if this is your first outing as a writer, you will not be writing prose worthy of critics’ praise, but the important thing to note is that this is perfectly okay. Keep working at it, attacking the story from a different angle, writing a page or two in iambic pentameter—experiment and enjoy experimenting. All of it will help build strength in that muscle and help you find the style that you like, that expresses your voice best.

4. Literally work through it

Perhaps the self-doubt has got a firm grip on you and it’s been days since you wrote. Well—and this will take some discipline—just pick up that pen, turn on that computer, and start writing again. Given your frame of mind, it may well not be of the highest standard, but keep going! Try to tune out those negative thoughts by turning up the volume of the story. In my experience, through the ruckus of self-doubt can come some of your best work. A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away, I submitted two pieces to the university short story magazine. One I had spent many hours on, caught up in the magic of an amazing true story, trying my utmost to evoke the feeling through lyrical prose; the other I had written with as much sarcasm I could muster when overcome with writer’s block. Which do you think was accepted for publishing? The latter. I remember snorting, in a most unladylike fashion, when I received the letter of acceptance. Perhaps it was because I wasn’t holding myself back and trying to be “clever” with the words I used? I had turned on the computer and filled the page. So try it. And apply sarcasm liberally—it works wonders.

5. Find a collaborator

I suggest this with a little hesitation. My grandmother, the best storyteller I have known (okay, so I might be a little biased), advised me never to tell anyone a story until I had finished writing it. If you tell someone, she said, it’s no longer exciting, you yourself become bored, you lose interest and you stop writing. However, you may well be too judgmental and too self-deprecating to properly assess your work. So, find someone you trust, someone you know will give you an honest opinion, and ask them to read an excerpt of your story. Be prepared for the feedback. Sometimes the criticisms sound louder than the compliments and they may be uncomfortable to hear, but write them all down and then put on your explorer’s hat again (mine’s a solar topee)—all right, so this route led to a pit of wooden stakes, but this way was tarred… Be proud of what’s worked and approach what hasn’t worked with the mind-set of “how can I fix this”.

6. Use it to your advantage

I know it’s certainly easier said than done, but seize that self-doubt by the scruff of the neck and say “I’m going to make you work for me.” Don’t allow the feeling to defeat you. Channel it into something constructive by becoming your own shrink and analysing the problem: what is it exactly that you are doubting—the story or your ability to write it? When you have the answer to that, scroll back to the top of this article and look at my suggestions again. The very fact that you are reading this, Googling ways to overcome the self-doubt and continue writing, says there is a story in you trying to get out. You already are a storyteller. Hit the mute button on those nagging doubts and set it down.             

https://www.standoutbooks.co.uk/write-way-self-doubt/

Perhaps you’d like to check out my sister blog www.innermindreading.blogspot.com and find

easy, fast and efficient ways of working with the issues or little unpleasantness’s in your life.