The One Word Confident People Always Say.

The One Word Confident People Always Say.

It happens like this. Your co-worker comes strolling down the hallway

and peers around the corner at you. You look up, annoyed by the interruption.

She then quickly asks, "I was not able to finish my report for the boss.

Can you finish it for me tonight?"

I know this happens, because it happened a ton to me earlier in my career. 

Time slows after the "ask." You are now thinking about how to respond, 

but nothing feels quite right. So, as always, you say, "Sure."

You might say "Sure" because you really should help. But most often, this is not the case. 

"Sure" often comes from a place of defense -- 

a need to please and be liked by the right people. 

But let me share a secret. We often say "Sure" because we lack confidence to say and do

what we know is right. When it comes to confidence, those who have it always seem to shine,

while those who are meek and afraid are taken advantage of.

I am referring to the type of confidence that gives us internal fortitude,

not the outlandish bravado that some show to mask deep fears. 

Confidence is easier said than internalized; it usually develops over time, with practice, 

patience, and perseverance. But there is no doubt that to succeed in life, it is a must.

So, do you know the one word that confident people say most?

It's obvious when you think about it -- that word is, "NO."

Here are a few reasons that saying, "No" can help you be your best

and those around achieve as well. It's also why confident people are not afraid of the word.

Reaffirms your priorities
The most confident people plan ahead. They have clearly defined goals

and know what it takes to get there. This helps them prioritize what is important in their lives –

and ignore what does not align with their goals.

Every "Yes" should align with these goals; if something does not, the answer is "No."

Sets clear expectations
The word "Yes" is often said out of obligation. The problem is that "Yes (wo)men" tend

to make promises that they can not always deliver on. Frequently, they fail to get every job done.

If you do this, it damages the confidence and trust that your team will start to place in you.

And when real chances to shine arise, you will be passed over.

Broadcasts your value
We all know the stars whom we can count on to produce great work with a positive attitude.

We rely on them. Saying, "No" to irrelevant requests reminds people that you are important,

have clear priorities, and your work matters.

You do not have time to focus on less important efforts.

The most confident people know who they are and how they add value.

They don't need to prove their self worth by saying yes to every request that is made of them.

We all get paid to set boundaries and clearly communicate what we should work on.

This is what confident people do best. The next time someone asks you for a favor,

do not blindly accept it without questioning its value.

Over time, this habit will make you great and increase your confidence

that every day you are getting even better.

How has saying, "No" boosted your confidence? 

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/one-word-confident-people-always-say-brian-de-haaff

Introduction to Turbo Charged Reading YouTube

A practical overview of Turbo Charged Reading YouTube 

How to choose a book. A Turbo Charged Reading YouTube

Emotions when Turbo Charged Reading YouTube

Advanced Reading Skills Perhaps you’d like to join my FaceBook group ?

www.facebook.com/mreenhunt

www.pinterest.com/mreenhunt

Perhaps you’d like to check out my sister blog:

www.innermindworking.blogspot.com         gives many ways for you to work with the stresses of life

www.turbochargedreading.blogspot.com    for extra TCR information

www.happyartaccidents.blogspot.com         just for fun.

To quote the Dr Seuss himself, “The more that you read, the more things you will know.

The more that you learn; the more places you'll go.”

How to be successful at everything

"I completely agree with Leo and should you feel that you are being held back with these ideals

to work towards then perhaps you’ll find my sister blog www.innermindreading.blogspot.co.uk

to be helpful or to re-read many of the articles below. I think that each point is worth far more than 

a single read through and might be printed and ‘meditated’ on or thought about during your day." M'reen

                                 Photo by M'reen. Skipton Castle up at the left. Yorkshire UK

HOW TO BE A SUCCESS AT EVERYTHING

12 TOOLS FOR MORE MINDFUL LIVING

LIVING A MORE MINDFUL LIFE IS WORTH THE EFFORT, BUT REMEMBERING TO FOCUS AND KEEP YOUR MIND IN THE MOMENT IS DIFFICULT.

HERE IS A TOOLSET DESIGNED TO HELP YOU ACHIEVE YOUR GOALS.

LEO BABAUTA

The focus of my life in recent months has been living mindfully, and while I don’t always remember 

to do that, I have learned a few things worth sharing.

The first is a mindful life is worth the effort. It’s a life where we awaken from the dream state 

we’re most often submerged in--the state of having your mind anywhere but the present moment,

locked in thoughts about what you’re going to do later, about something someone else said,

about something you’re stressing about or angry about. The state of mind where we’re lost

in our smartphones and social media.

It’s worth the effort, because being awake means we’re not missing life as we walk through it.

Being awake means we’re conscious of what’s going on inside us, as it happens, and so can make more conscious choices rather than acting on our impulses all the time.

The second thing I’ve learned is that we forget. We forget, over and over, to be awake.

And that’s okay. Being mindful is a process of forgetting, and then remembering.

Repeatedly. Just as breathing is a process of exhaling, and then inhaling, repeatedly.

The third is that mindful living isn’t just one thing. It’s not just meditation. Nor is it just focusing

on the sensations around you, right now in this moment. I’ve found mindful living to be a set 

of very related tools, perhaps all different ways of getting at the same thing, but each 

useful in its own regard.

THE TOOLSET

1. Meditation. 

Meditation is where mindful living starts. And it’s not complicated: you can sit still

for even just one minute a day to start with (work up to three to five minutes after a week),

and turn your attention to your body and then your breath. Notice when your thoughts wander

from your breath, and gently return to the breath. Repeat until the minute is up.

2. Be Awake. 

Meditation is practice for being awake, which is not being in the dream state (mind wandering

into a train of thought, getting lost in the online world, thinking about past offenses, stressing about the future, etc.) but being awake to the present, to what is. Being awake is something you can do throughout the day, all the time, if you remember. Remembering is the trick.

3. Watch Urges. 

When I quit smoking in 2005, the most useful tool I learned was watching my urges to smoke. 

I would sit there and watch the urge rise and fall, until it was gone, without acting on it.

It taught me that I am not my urges, that I don’t have to act on my urges, and this helped me change all my other habits. Watch your urge to check email or social media, to eat something sweet or fried, to drink alcohol, to watch TV, to be distracted, to procrastinate. These urges will come and go,

and you don’t have to act on them.

4. Watch Ideals. 

We all have ideals, all the time. We have an ideal that our day will go perfectly, that people will be kind and respectful to us; that we will be perfect, that we’ll ace an exam or important meeting, 

that we’ll never fail. Of course, we know from experience that those ideals are not real, that they don’t come true, that they aren’t realistic. But we still have them, and they cause our stress and fears 

and grief over something/someone we’ve lost. By letting go of ideals, we can

let go of our suffering.

5. Accept People and Life As They Are. 

When I stopped trying to change a loved one, and accepted him for who he was, I was able to just be with him and enjoy my time with him. This acceptance has the same effect for anything you do--accept a co-worker, a child, a spouse, but also accept a “bad” situation, an unpleasant feeling; 

an annoying sound. When we stop trying to fight the way things are, when we accept what is, 

we are much more at peace.

6. Let Go of Expectations. 

This is really the same thing as the previous two items, but I’ve found it useful nonetheless. 

It’s useful to watch your expectations with an upcoming situation, with a new project or business, 

and see that it’s not real and that it’s causing you stress and disappointment.

We cause our own pain, and we can relieve it by letting go of the expectations that are causing it. 

Toss your expectations into the ocean.

7. Become okay with Discomfort. 

The fear of discomfort is huge--it causes people to be stuck in their old bad habits, to not start the business they want to start, to be stuck in a job they don’t really like, because we tend to stick to the known and comfortable rather than try something unknown and uncomfortable. It’s why many people don’t eat vegetables or exercise, why they eat junk, why they don’t start something new. But we can be okay with discomfort, with practice.

Start with things that are a little uncomfortable, and keep expanding your comfort zone.

8. Watch Your Resistance. 

When you try to do something uncomfortable, or try to give up something you like or are used to, you’ll find resistance. But you can just watch the resistance, and be curious about it. Watch your resistance to things that annoy you--a loud sound that interrupts your concentration, for example. 

It’s not the sound that’s the problem; it’s your resistance to the sound. The same is true of resistance to food we don’t like, to being too cold or hot, to being hungry. The problem isn’t the sensation of the food, cold, heat or hunger--it’s our resistance to them. Watch the resistance, and feel it melt. 

This resistance, by the way, is why I’m doing my Year of Living Without.

9. Be Curious. 

Too often we are stuck in our ways, and think we know how things should be, how people are. 

Instead, be curious. Find out. Experiment. Let go of what you think you know.

When you start a new project or venture, if you feel the fear of failure, instead of thinking,

“Oh no, I’m going to fail” or “Oh no, I don’t know how this will turn out”, try thinking, “Let’s see. 

Let’s find out.” And then there isn’t the fear of failure, but the joy of being curious and finding out. 

Learn to be okay with not knowing.

10. Be Grateful. 

We complain about everything. But life is a miracle. Find something to be grateful about in everything you do. Be grateful when you’re doing a new habit, and you’ll stick to it longer. Be grateful when you’re with someone, and you’ll be happier with them. Life is amazing, if you learn to appreciate it.

11. Let Go of Control. 

We often think we control things, but that’s only an illusion. Our obsession with organization and goals and productivity, for example, are rooted in the illusion that we can control life. But life is uncontrollable, and just when we think we have things under control, something unexpected comes up to disrupt everything. And then we’re frustrated because things didn’t go the way we wanted. Instead, practice letting go of control, and learn to flow.

12. Be Compassionate. 

This sounds trite, but compassion for others can change the way you feel about the world, 

on a day-to-day basis. And compassion for yourself is life-changing.

These two things need remembering, though, so mindful living is about remembering

to be compassionate after you forget.

That seems like a lot to digest and remember, and I often forget all of this stuff, 

but then I remember, and say, “Ah, I was doing it again!” And then I practice again.

And then I forget, but I reflect, and I learn, and I practice again.

This is the process of learning mindfulness. It’s forgetting, and then remembering, again and again.

http://www.fastcompany.com/3023459/how-to-be-a-success-at-everything/12-tools-for-more-mindful-living

Perhaps you’d like to checkout my sister blog www.innermindreading.blogspot.com

and find easy, fast and efficient ways of working with the issues or little unpleasantness’s in your life.

I am now featuring aspects of my upcoming internet programme to teach Inner Mind Reading.

How to Help Others Without Compromising Yourself

“The greatest good you can do for another is not just to share your riches but to reveal to him his own.” ~Benjamin Disraeli

"In this article by Wendy Fung is one to be kept by your side if you resonate with any of the points.

I know that I have the T-shirt for some of the areas and was aware of that energy but was unable to let it go for some years because I didn’t want to. When I was able to let it go I realised that the energy was far wider and far deeper than the situation itself and that it was a fundamental part of me from way back. Eventually I was able to love me sufficiently to do so and now look on myself and the situation with a quiet smile of love."

How to Help Others Without Compromising Yourself

By Wendy Fung

Announcement: Wish you could change your past? Learn to let go and create a life you love with the new Tiny Buddha course!

When I entered into a relationship with my ex-boyfriend four years ago, I felt I had found a kindred spirit. We met at a meditation retreat where we both volunteered in the kitchen. I found myself touched by the sincerity of his smile and the kindness and compassion he showed to everyone as Kitchen Manager. He had lost his leg in childhood but was never bitter, self-conscious, or self-defeated. He amazed me with his ability to be carefree and lived each day being present in the moment, which was the opposite of how I had previously lived.

He inspired me to look at life differently, to devote myself to living authentically, and to care more for my physical and spiritual self.

Soon after we met, we decided to forego having a long-distance relationship and that he would move in with me. In this new city he had no friends, no money, and no job, but we both felt the excitement of potential and we were in love. We laughed and cried together. We talked about our hopes, fears, and dreams. We held each other close and learned how to be a “we.”

I started small in helping him: I bought him new clothes and shoes. I paid for food and didn’t charge him rent. Then I bought him a laptop and paid for joint activities and our vacations together. We agreed that it would all be temporary. He was determined to be financially independent soon.

He was grateful at first, telling me that he really appreciated everything I was doing for him,

and I felt I was making a difference in his life. I saw his potential and we discussed how he would eventually build a career of his own. Meanwhile, with his emotional support and guidance, I was living a more spiritual life than I had ever done before. I took many classes and was preparing to start my own business in body and energy work, while still holding down a full-time job in the corporate world. We discussed that, in the near future, I would quit my day job and we would build a business together. Then a series of setbacks: his mother’s death, his need for a new prosthetic leg, and his inability to find a satisfying and financially supportive job.

I found myself feeling increasingly impatient and resentful as he became more and more emotionally distant and spent the better part of each day playing video games.

Finally, wanting to heal him of his passivity and frustration, I invested for him to take a six-month long life coaching course out of state. We reaffirmed our commitment to each other, and we both hoped that this was a new beginning. After two months apart, he told me that he felt wonderful and hopeful and that he was back on his authentic path because of this training.

What I did not expect was that he had time to think about our relationship and had come to the conclusion that he felt trapped and obligated for everything he owed me, and was therefore no longer able to be in relationship with me.

Being with me was a constant reminder of how low he had sunk in his life and how dependent and weak he was. He didn’t like feeling as if he was a liability in someone else’s life. I felt betrayed, angry, and hurt. Throughout our relationship, I had tried to help him by giving him everything I had to offer, but it wasn’t enough. I had to learn that no matter how hard I tried to help him, I could not give so much of myself that I become depleted financially, emotionally, and energetically.

My lesson was to learn how to help others without compromising myself. Here’s what I’ve learned about that: 

1. You can’t help someone who is not taking responsibility for helping himself. 

Sometimes, no matter how much you give, the other person doesn’t seem to meet you halfway.

It seems like the more you try to help them, the more they stay the same, or worse, regress.

Maybe they have become so used to your helping them that they no longer have the ability to see where they need to help themselves. Or maybe they take your helping for granted so they feel they no longer need to participate.

2. Sometimes, doing nothing is helping them.

When someone asks you for help in some tangible way or when you see the obvious need in others, especially a loved one, it’s very hard to say no. However, before you say yes, ask yourself what’s the cost to you. Are you compromising yourself in some way that is beyond your personal boundaries? Sometimes by saying no and doing nothing, you’re giving them a chance to take responsibility for their own lives and help themselves.

3. Helping someone doesn’t mean fixing them.

Often, you think you know what is best for another person, but you don’t truly know what is for their highest good or what life has in store for them. They are in a situation because they need to learn some spiritual or life lessons. You can’t short change their learning process, no matter how hard you try to help them, if they’re not in the right place and time to learn those lessons.

4. You can help by accepting them as and where they are.

We all have judgments about ourselves and others. However, helping means accepting the other person as they are and where they are on their life’s path. It can be excruciatingly painful to sit by and watch the other person self-destruct or seemingly do nothing to help themselves, but maybe this is what they need right now in order to become more aware in themselves.

5. Don’t be attached to the outcome of your helping.

You may have expectations of what someone would become and what they’d do with their lives once you help them. You want to see this person feel better, be happier, healthier, and make better life decisions. However, it’s not up to you to put intention in the other person’s space. What’s good for them may not be what you expect, and you might not like or agree with the outcome. Let go of attachment to your own ego and your own vision of what the other person will become once they’re helped.

6. Send loving, compassionate intention.

Know that your intention to help another person, when it’s from a place of neutrality, love, and compassion, will always be helpful, whether or not you feel you’re doing enough. Just having the intention to help and sending your peaceful, loving energy to the other person and their situation is sometimes the best thing to do. Thoughts have energy, so even if you just send compassionate thoughts to the other person, you are doing something to help.  Other people are often mirrors for our own growth. Wanting to heal others is a way of being aware of what we want to heal within ourselves. By being lovingly compassionate and accepting of ourselves and our boundaries, we can not only help others, but we can also help ourselves.

Photo by rabiem22

http://tinybuddha.com/blog/how-to-help-others-without-compromising-yourself/?utm_content=bufferddae8&utm_source=buffer&utm_medium=twitter&utm_campaign=Bufferblog

Perhaps you’d like to checkout my sister blog www.innermindreading.blogspot.com

and find easy, fast and efficient ways of working with the issues or little unpleasantness’s in your life.

I am now featuring aspects of my upcoming internet programme to teach Inner Mind Reading.