How to ask questions.

"I certainly resonate with this article because as a trainee counsellor I asked triple inquisition questions.
It was really rather arrogant as it assumed I ‘knew’ more about the client that the client knew about themselves; therefore I am relived to now find that I was only being ‘normal’. The first part of asking a question that discovers is to listen with interest and then to have a list of words, sentences or gestures that encourages expansion. The simplest are ‘and’ and ‘because’." M'reen

I've recently been doing a bit of research on space exploration. 

The hunt has inevitably led me to stories about SpaceX founder (and billionaire genius) Elon Musk,
a man whose mission to colonize Mars has led to the development of self-landing rockets,
among other innovations over the last few years.
In the course of geeking out about such rocketry, I stumbled across two Musk interviews that inadvertently illustrate one of the biggest conversational mistakes — and missed opportunities —
I see people make every day.
Coincidentally, they're both by men named Rose: Kevin Rose, founder of Digg and partner at Google Ventures, and Charlie Rose, the veteran PBS/CBS interview host.
Each had the chance to interview one of today's most fascinating innovators,
but one of them succeeded in a slightly more enlightening (and less awkward) interview.
The difference was in the questions they asked, and specifically how they asked them.

See if you can spot what's going on:
Kevin: What led you into entrepreneurship? Was it something that you always knew that you wanted to be, an entrepreneur on your own? Or did you stumble into it?
Charlie: What are you doing in terms of planetary exploration?
Kevin: Where do you come up with your best ideas? Are you on vacation, or do you wake up
in the middle of the night and draw things down?
Charlie: How did you go about the design?
Kevin: When did you decide to get into computers and technology? Did you start coding?
Or was it a lot of...?
Charlie: What do you think?
Can you guess which interview went better?
You probably won't be surprised when I tell you that Charlie Rose's interview was more interesting,
and came across as significantly more professional. The man is great at asking questions
and getting out of the way; he uses short, open-ended questions when he wants elaboration,
and short, yes-or-no questions when he wants to be pointed.
Kevin Rose, on the other hand, ends every question in the interview with a series of possible answers. Instead of performing an interview, he administers a multiple-choice exam.
In the process, he not only uses time that his interview subject could spend talking, but also misses out on serendipitous conversational outcomes. With the multiple-choice question format,
you simply water the conversation down.

We all do this. "What are you doing for the holidays? Are you staying in town, or are you going somewhere, or do you have to work?..."
This usually occurs because people have a hard time ending sentences.
We are uncomfortable with terseness.
So we ramble until we trail off, or until the other person jumps in.
Instead of, What do you think?, we say, Do you think x, y, z, q, r or...
Once you start paying attention to this it will drive you nuts. We don't tend to notice the
multiple-choice problem in ourselves until we're in a situation like a sit-down interview,
recorded for all the Internet to see, when suddenly the repeat effect of the struggle-to-suggest-options-because-I-don't-know-how-to-stop becomes really... well, irritating!
(Of course, the Musk interviews are a good example but not a fair comparison. Charlie's been at this for decades. Kevin is a very smart guy, and his Foundation series is quite good. The interviewee lineup is spectacular – albeit male-heavy – and he unearths some pretty interesting backstories.
His Q&A skill will increase as with all interviewers, and he's going to discover in the course of interviewing people what great interrogators know: the interviewee will always suggest more interesting answers than you can.)

As a journalist-turned-entrepreneur, I've written a few times about the skills that businesspeople
can pick up from reporters. The art of asking great questions is one of the most frequently useful.

The #1 tip for asking better questions? Cut them off at the question mark.
Those better, terser questions will make you a better conversationalist, a more effective information-gatherer. A more efficient speaker. And, perhaps paradoxically, a more pleasant communicator.
It takes will power to be concise. But effective questions will double your conversational effectiveness, and just might make you a little more interesting yourself.

So... what do you think?

Shane Snow
Photo: screenshot, Elon Musk on Charlie Rose.
http://www.linkedin.com/today/post/article/20131218030745-7374576-this-post-will-make-you-a-more-effective-communicator-in-90-seconds?trk=tod-home-art-list-large_0


Perhaps you’d like to checkout my sister blog www.innermindreading.blogspot.com
and find easy, fast and efficient ways of working with the issues or little unpleasantness’s in your life.

Analyse versus feeling.

            Photo by M'reen . How many balances can you find in this photo taken at Ely UK

Analyse versus Feeling.

These thoughts and feelings were prompted by someone’s Social Media comment.

I think my photo shows aspects of balance, skill, support and wonder of growing.
M'reen Hunt

Firstly I need to define what I mean by Analyse and Feeling,

that is I need to understand the (apparent ) difference between the two from my perspective

and in doing that it may give me an insight into the perspective of others..

I think (therefore I am?) that to analyse is to use your head (as if it was not part of your whole being?)

That to analyse somehow makes you less able to ‘feel’ and that to ‘feel’ enables you to empathize 

with others at a deep level of understanding and so are warmer and less threatening.

Why do I feel the need to understand my feelings about these words?

Why do I think about my perception of these words?

The prior sentence came intuitively and the second needed thinking about, but most likely one will appeal 

to you and the other will feel alien in the same way that for some the glass is half full or half empty.

However, had my last words in the preceding sentence been Think then I’m sure that I would just 

have easily used Think as opposed to Feel.

Why do I need to analyse the energy behind the title statement;

is it because of my experiences when I was twice challenged in the past?

Firstly during Group Working tuition where we were part of an Experiential group I was challenged for Thinking as opposed to Feeling . At the time I was a student counsellor and my fellow Group Working students were practicing counsellors.  

Secondly when I was challenged because I have the ability to order my thoughts / understanding about 

a situation and that was not an expected ability amongst the other Life Coaching students. 

I felt Different and Confused that it was not expected that some others were able to do the same as I.

Yet we find it easy to accept that someone can create music, see energy or understand calculus.

Surely I need to understand my differences so that I can appreciate my energetic of felt sense responses 

and so be kinder or more empathic to myself and to others?

How do I experience Analysis and how do I experience Feeling?

To me Analysis is a process of thoughts that order themselves into a hierarchy of understanding in my head.

To me Feeling is an energy awareness in, on or around my physical body.

The leading statement of this article has an energetic charge for me due to the challenges described 

above and my response to feeling Different and Confused.

All words have an energy or belief (belief being the building block of emotion). There is undoubtedly 

an emotional response to a word in isolation or to a word with inflection or in context with others.

As part of an experiment In the 1980s a TV programme was aired whereby they asked you to record 

how many words appeared at the top of the screen and how many were at the bottom.

There was no ambiguity for me as the words were definitely at the top or bottom of the screen when, 

in fact, the words had been broadcast in the exact centre of the screen; it was my emotional response 

to the word that placed it in a negative or positive position. That and the fact that the subconscious 

had been instructed to respond.

Back to the two sentences:

To me Analysis is a process of thoughts that order themselves into understanding in my head.

To me Feeling is an energy awareness in, on or around my physical body.

To me Analysis is a process of thoughts that order themselves into understanding in my head.

This means that the thought processes demand to be ordered and understood to the best of 

my current ability. This process often leads to incorporating a ‘balance’ thought or to another awareness 

or to a connection previously not made.

If not released these thought s will continue to circulate in my head until the process of writing and explaining all this to myself provides that release or completes the Gestalt – the circle.

To me Feeling is an energy awareness in, on or around my physical body.

This is equally strong and demanding but in a different way as it doesn’t have words to describe it 

because words are a function of the modern brain.

These energy feelings of, “Ah, there you are” are like the sun coming out from behind a cloud 

as now they can be consciously recognised, appreciated and which if appropriate can be released; 

with generally the opposite energy being welcomed back into my system as this is powerfully completing.

Currently I’m studying a subject that is out of my comfort zone and so challenges some of my beliefs, 

it also taps into my dyslexic tendencies and also the outcome of my study is important to me.

On occasions I’ve been aware of the energy of mild panic which I’ve simply released 

or I’ve been curious as to what that particular feeling means to me before releasing .

I think that to trust your higher self / yourself / your magnificent self- however you may describe that state and to just accept that you can release that fear energy –and it will be OK is appropriate.

Sometimes I Think and Feel that it is important or interesting to understand where the ‘panic’ comes from 

to the best of my ability; as understanding comes before acceptance which comes before release. 

Some people might use the word Forgiveness (of the self or of others) but I prefer to use ‘release’ 

or the phrase “Letting go”.

P.S. I’ve noticed that if I’ve said that I don’t necessarily agree fully with someone’s statement 

on Social Media that my disagreement has been ignored.

Why?

I wonder; is Social Media an act of self congratulatory navel gazing?

Or am I being a typical Sagittarian and throwing a ball into the conversation

just to see how it bounces?

The thought presented itself as, “how’s your navel?”

I had to respond. Ha, ha, ha, spot on, someone has the job to do!

It’s an ‘inny’ by the way, and therefore I think inwardly, I also feel.

We could garner millions for a study of navels.

Innies working out from their self observation. The extreme inny being an autistic person.

Outies working from a world perspective in towards themselves. Dash I forget the term and who coined it, the extreme outy not having an inner life but accruing status and value from some other,

a job, organisation or quest in life.

There must be flatties, but I’ve not heard of them. People who are balanced at some point in the dualities 

of life, maybe only for a period but balanced nonetheless.

Perhaps you’d like to checkout my sister blog www.innermindreading.blogspot.com

and find easy, fast and efficient ways of working with the issues or little unpleasantness’s in your life.

I am now featuring aspects of my upcoming internet programme to teach Inner Mind Reading.

My glimpse of Death 

Death happens to all of us, it is not a failure

and neither is this article a story of failure, in fact it’s rather beautiful.

My reading of the Tibetan Buddhist’s idea of death is that one dies well,

that is without leaving any negative emotions that tie you to the earth plain.

If death is fearful, then that is a different issue and one that can be considered

at anytime so that one can enjoy all stages of life.

Hypnotherapy or counselling and many other disciplines can help.

An osteopath helped my energy flow after the death of my eldest daughter.

I met a lady three weeks or so before her death from cancer, I would not have known she was ill if I had not have been told, she had a surrounding of love

that was recognisable to me. Also recognisable to me was the worm of fear
that I would not be such a ‘good’ and 'courageous’ person.

Cancer through the eyes of ten women, P Duncker & V Wilson

ISBN 0 04 440980 X  recognises and exposes this worm.

There is much I cannot remember surrounding the time when my mother died
of cancer. We were unaware of the cancer during the proceeding weeks
to hospitalisation even though she was exceptionally tired. Although she was only 64, I think she was prepared for death and accepted death.
I think she managed her illness and death and that that was respected and accommodated by the medical personnel and chaplaincy of the hospital.
She was cared for with care at Airedale hospital. 

Some years later I had a ‘dream’ regarding cancer and death
that I am happy to share. When I recounted this ‘dream experience’ to a complete non-believer who’s cancer had returned she found it to be ‘strangely comforting’.

I was not the sort of person ‘weird’ things happened to.

Asleep, I was suddenly aware of eyes penetrating mine,

I thought, ‘OK, I’m awake,’ and drifted off.

Then the eyes demandingly went right through my pupils, ‘OK, I’M AWAKE.’

I was aware of a tiny me standing a long way back from a vast heaven to earth curtain or time warp, behind this were bleachers, those serried ranks of benches one higher than the other, they stretched from left to right filling the scene.

On one bench sat an image I took to be my mother, my impression was of an indistinct shape wearing a white nighty type gown, a long way behind her (in time) was another figure, I took this figure to her left to be a female relative.

My mother communicated telepathically and I responded in crude, cumbersome, pedantic earth language, I felt graceless and inarticulate and little, yet understood and accepted. Whenever a reply was require from me, I responded with, “That’s cool”, this is NOT a phrase I use!

My present memory is that she repeated that cancer is just part of life and that was fine and without any visible indication she asked the other lady to confirm this and the confirmation was supportive. She said that death was just part of life, there was no pain.

The whole experience was just so indescribably naturally peaceful.

The acceptance and universality throughout time was inclusive.

The photo is of my family, I’ve never met my paternal grandfather– yet.

Perhaps you’d like to check out my sister blog www.innermindreading.blogspot.com and find

easy, fast and efficient ways of working with the issues or little unpleasantness’s in your life.